Friday, October 30, 2009

I'm Still Live 'n Kickin'

Been traveling for meetings - 2 out of state trips - and when I'm not traveling I've been extremely busy with H1N1.  It appears to have slowed down a bit towards the end of the the week. 

So with the above and brief viral illness, my progress for Hot 100 Goals have gone stone cold.

Hopefully things will calm down next week and I'll be done traveling for a while.  

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Checking In

Just had a cold earlier this week but knocked me off my workout schedule.  Feeling fine after a couple of days but extremely busy.  Going out of town for a few days for a meeting.   Hopefully will get caught up on reading all your blogs.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Gimme an "H" Gimme an "N"

What's that spell?  H1N1.    AGH!  Swamped, busy and overwhelmed.  Left work myself at noon yesterday with HA, body aches etc.  But better today.  No fever No cough.  But didn't work out yesterday or today.

Illness is the one reason (not excuse) to not exercise.

More later.  Hangin in there.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Thanks and Hot 100 Update

Thanks Helen and Sandra for the award.  I get sooo much inspiration and motivation from so many of you that I'm honored to think I might be able to do the same for others in the weight loss blogging community.

Hot 100 UpDate (Getting Warmer)

Not meeting most of  my goals, but did much better towards end of the week when I decided to "get real"  Committed to nailin' all of them next week.

Walk, exercise, work out at least 5 X a week 30-60 minutesTotal of at least 300 minutes per week YES! - Total 425 hours of "functional fitness" and walking. And five times for first time.
Eat at least 5 servings of fruits/veggies every day -
Made it 2 out of 7 days - again. This one is key. Need to step it up.
Track calories with my electronic calorie counter.
Didn't use the hand held, but downloaded free trial of Calorie King and been
using since Thursday. MUCH easier.
Limit Diet Coke to weekends only and no more than 2 per day
Nope :-(   I'm going to add to this "drink 6-8 eight oz glasses of water daily.  Instead of just eliminating "the bad", I'll add "the good"
Pump plastic ( I need some new dumb bells!) 2 X per week
Yep.  Still lifting logs not plastic 
Complete one decluttering by the 19th of each month
Spending weekends working outside getting ready for winter - I have cleaned out and reorganized my storage shed and "decluttered" 6 dead trees.and a dead pickup! But these were not on my original list AND I have some major areas inside that need attention - soooo I'm not counting this as a "yes" unless I get one done by the end of the month.
Rest of goals are longer term

Friday, October 16, 2009

Struggling Part 3

Thanks to all who gave me ideas on the Calorie counter.  Second day of Calorie King free trial and its working fine.  I did try SparkPeople a year or so ago - but the web site had all this other "stuff" that kept distracting me. LOL  I still get lots of emails from them - which I just delete.  I'll go back and check it out again - and the other ones suggested.  My mind set is definitely different now.
Part 3:

There is an employee I supervise who is very frustrating.  One of those who always does just enough to get by.  Spends more energy avoiding work than doing it. Always playing games.  Pushing the boundaries of our policies and rules right up to the edge.  Usually with minor things but it still is time-consuming and affects other staff.     Actually once told me they knew they were breaking the dress code rules, but "just wanted to see how long I could get away with it"  (Is being disciplined but not enough to fire. Yet.)

The point of all of the above is last week during my bingeing and soul-searching I had a real lightbulb moment.  DUH!   All of the above is true of me and my weight loss efforts.  

1. Does just enough to get by
2. Spends more time and energy {persuing junk food}than just fixing the healthy stuff (late night trips 20 minutes into town for the "binge du jour)
3.Always playing Games - with the scale; (well I binged several times last week but still showing a 1/2 lb loss so I'm doing OK)
4. Always playing Games - (I'll start Monday; I'll start first of the month; I'll start after the holidays; I'll start when I get back from vacation, I'll start........tomorrow which is a day that never comes)
5. Pushing the rules right up to the edge (Calories OUT > Calories IN - we're not talking rocket science here.)
6.Know I'm breaking the rules, but how long can I get away with it  (well Diabetes and high Trigs are telling me my time is up)

Time to stop playing games, stop doing this half-assed and get real

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Struggling Part 2

Actually today was a good day, but I did promise to post on my pattern of extensive exercise and wt loss - "part 2" is at the end of this post

Today had commitments after work so didn't get in any workout, but food much much better.  Thanks for all your great comments and support.  Looking forward to Diane's post on issues raised yesterday.  Thanks to Tomer for the suggestion for WeightLossSoftware.com

Last spring I participated in a study that required tracking all food for 4 weeks. They provided a palm pilot with CalorieKing software.  It was great.  That small, inexpensive palm isn't available anymore so I finally purchased an electronic handheld calorie calculator that I can use "on the go"   Don't like it - much more difficult to use.   Tonight I started a free 7 day trial of the CalorieKing software.  The WeightLossSoftware looks very good as well.  Both are reasonable - $40-$45.  Do any of you use or recommend an on-line calorie tracker or any other software?  Looking for some input.....but tonight tried the Calorie King and it was the easiest one I've ever used.  I'm going to take another look at WeightLossSoftware before I purchase anything.  I know there are free ones out there - but when I've used in past they were much more difficult and much smaller data base.  (All 3 mentioned above have a data base of over 50,000 foods)

Ok Part 2

I have had 2 periods of significant wt loss. The first time was in the early 90's  I started walking to save my sanity when my marriage fell apart.  Walking led to running, running led to completing a marathon.  Of course I lost wt.  Forty pounds.  And it was  the last time I got to Onederland.  Unfortunately I was a visitor not a permenant resident.  Quit running and gradually gained back the weight.  Plus.  My all time high was about 255-260 in 2002. when blood sugar problems motivated me to start exercising again.  I discovered cycling and in 2003 biked over 2500 miles in 9 months, including finishing a week-long 500 mile bike tour, a triathlon and century (100 miles).  I would bike 20 miles into town, swim for an hour and then bike home.  My weight got down to about 205.  That winter got into spin classes and pumping iron,  However, over the next few years the cycling has gradually decreased and the wt gradually increased.  This time I topped out at about 230.  Last summer and fall I lost about 20 lbs by walking an hour almost every day.  Until March when the "wheels came off"  Recently I've started down the same path - putting in 4-8 hours of very strenuous yard work  during weekends is the only thing giving me a small wt loss most weeks - and last week even 800 hours of activity couldn't prevent a 1 pound gain.

Any one seeing a pattern here?  A marathon in '94, a century in '03.  All I have to do is swim "2. something"
 miles and I've completed an Iron Man - on the 15 year installment plan!   But seriously, I am an "all or nothing" person.  No balance whatsoever.   Exercise is a vital part of weight loss, but I think the main reason I gained the wt back was that I never got control of the food.  I never dealt with my issues around food.  So as soon as I decreased  the activity the weight came back.

If I really want to lose this weight once and for all and then maintain the loss, I need to committ to making wise food choices and regular exercise.  Forever.  I need to get real and stop playing games.  And that brings us to Struggling, Part 3.  Tomorrow.  :-)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Busy, Struggling, and Hot 100 Goals

Busy both at work and home so not posting or commenting as much as I'd like. 

Really struggled last week with the food.  Why is this so hard.  I really admire those that make a commitment, focus on their goal and stay on track 'til they reach their target.  People like Sean, JackSh*t, Diane, Tony theAnti-Jared and Jen.I don't know what its going to take for me to reach that level of committment. Diabetes doesn't do it.  High cholesterol doesn't do it. All the other risks I KNOW I'm running doesn't do it.

 Right after my doc's appt last week (with the "naked truth") and  I picked up a new med due to my cholesterol results I headed right for the convenience store for my old "usual" binge foods.  Haven't done that for months - long before I started this blog back in Aug.  I started thinking (planning?) on this when I left work so it wasn't the visit that triggered it.  Not a bad day at work either.

And made very poor food choices last week before and after that day as well.   The only thing that is giving me small wt losses - and preventing a huge gain this week  -is the hours I'm spending doing yard work. Imagine how much more progress I would have made if I was more committed and controlling my food choices and portions.  Extensive exercise providing wt loss is a typical pattern for me.  Getting late/long story so stay tuned 'til tomorrow.

Here are my pathetic results for the Hot   LukeWarm 100 Challenge

Hot 100 Goals:
Walk, exercise, work out at least 5 X a week 30-60 minutes. Total of at least 300 minutes per week - Total 800 hours of "functional fitness" but worked out only 4 X. Improved from 3X last week

Eat at least 5 servings of fruits/veggies every day
Made it 2 out of 7 days  But did get to the groc and loaded frig up with Fruits and Veggies
Track calories with my electronic calorie counter.
Nope :-(
Limit Diet Coke to weekends only and no more than 2 per day
Nope :-(

Pump plastic ( I need some new dumb bells!) 2 X per week
Lifted logs not plastic X 3 this week

Rest of goals are longer term

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Naked Truth

In August I posted about seeing myself on the JumboTron at a ball park  Jumbo was right.  Especially since I was sitting.  I took a picture when I got home and included it in the post.

Well, I've had another eye-opener - earlier this week I saw my own doc.  While sitting on the exam table trying to hold the gown together I noted a huge mirror on the wall above the sink......There was this very fat middle aged women I didn't recognize in the room with me!   If that wasn't bad enough, I actually got brave enough to open the gown up so saw this vision of obesity in full side-al nudity.  Au Naturale. Buck nekked. Birthday suit.  While this was even more of an eye-opener than last August, I'm NOT posting a photo this time!

The point is - I can fool myself or deny how obese I am but seeing 65 pounds of  excess wobbly parts was just the dose of reality I needed.  (Just what the doctor ordered?)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Beautiful Day

Had the afternoon off and it was an unexpectedly beautiful day - warm and sunny.  Worked in the yard for about 5 hours until I lost the light.  Including loading my pickup with logs a neighbor wanted to get rid of. He even had it cut and stacked :-)
  And if I didn't have enough to do already - came home from work a couple of days ago and the electric company had been here - and left a pile of dirt in my yard 4 feet high and 6 feet long.  Ugh!  Neighbor can over with his small tractor and moved it to a low spot in my yard, but it still needed to be raked smooth.  Still not feeling the need to join a gym!

Checkout the give away and opportunity to contribute to an e-cookbook at Prior Fat Girl

Check out These Over the Top Blogs

Thanks to Amazon Runner for thinking of me and awareding the "Over the Top" award.  In accepting I need to
1. Answer 35 questions and 2. Pass it on to 6 other blogs. Keeping my answers to only one word will be tough, but not as tough as only choosing only 6 blogs.  So I'm taking the liberty of 'doubling down" and picking 12!  And I'm still worried that I've missed someone....

 I tried to pick those I follow regularly that I find consistantly inspiring, motivating and challenging - and that don't already have it. If you are listed here, please snag the award with a right-click, place it on your blog and do what you gotta do.  Or not.  :-)
1.Diane at Fit to the Finish
2.Fearless Missy
3.A Cake for a Wife
4. Diana's Weight Loss Journey
5.Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit
6.South Beach Steve
7.Irene at Livin' Large
8. Kat at Secrets to Losing 100 lbs
9. Coley at Sugar Shakes
10. Pippa's Porch
11.Losin' this Dang Fat
12 Fat Daddy Rants

If she didn't already have it, I would pass this right back to Amazon Runner as she is truly an inspiration. And also to TJ's Weigh or the Highway; If you haven't already, be sure to check out these two blogs written by women who constantly inspire and motivate. They both are true independant women who are gettin' done their way, errr weigh.

Answers to questions:
1. Where is your cell phone? charger ( and its late enough I should be in bed getting recharged too)
2. Your hair? wavey
3. Your mother? More active than I am
4. Your father? generous
5. Your favorite food? Have to pick one???/
6. Your dream last night? Found more rooms in my house - including a hot tub :-)
7. Your favorite drink? Diet Coke (yep admitting it but tryin' to quit)
8. Your dream/goal? Life in balance
9. What room are you in? family room
10. Your hobby?  gardening
11. Your fear? Becoming dependant on my kids in my old age
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? retired
13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren’t? skinny
15. Muffins? Cornbread

16. Wish list item? Steel toed boots
17. Where did you grow up? midwest
18. Last thing you did? thru some more logs on the fire
19. What are you wearing? sweatshirt and jeans
20. Your TV? 50" plasma
21. Your pets? dog

22. Friends? Keep moving out of state :-(
23. Your life? Hectic
24. Your mood? grateful

25. Missing someone? grandkids and friends
26. Vehicle? Pickup, Miata Convertible, Honda CR-V
27. Something you’re not wearing? socks

28. Your favorite store? local Health food store
29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed?  5 minutes ago
31. Last time you cried?  several weeks ago
32. Your best friend?  Moved out of state
33. One place that I go to over and over? North Carolina

34. One person who emails me regularly? 
35. Favorite place to eat?  New deli at health food store

Monday, October 5, 2009

Monday Update

Just realized I didn't post at all over the weekend - busy and active!

On Friday's post I mentioned feeling like I wanted to hybernate and S.A.D.  I actually love the fall and working out in cold weather is much easier for me than in the heat.  I am very sensitive to lack of light, but don't think I have full blown S.A.D.  I've had a light box for years but don't use it much.  And I've been taking Vit D for months.

I think the problem last week was we had beautiful sunny warm weather up 'til Wed, then somebody "flipped the switch" and Thurs/Fri was cold, cloudy, rainy.  It was the abrupt change that I didn't anticpate that knocked me abit off track for a couple of days until I gave myself (and ya'll with your comments) a swift kick in the keester..

I find the best way to combat low energy (at any time of the year) is to:
#1.GET MOVING.  Especially outside in the sun.  (DUH)
#2.STAY AWAY from the refined carbs/salty/greasy foods and
#3 DON'T OVEREAT  (Double DUH)

All three great ideas but something I struggle with year 'round or I wouldn't be 70 lbs overweight. Which leads me to the great Hot 100 Challenge from South Beach Steve to keep us all motivated thru the end of the year.  Was meeting my goals until things went off track for a couple of days.

Hot 100 Goals:
  • Walk, exercise, work out at least 5 X a week 30-60 minutes. Total of at least 300 minutes per week - 320 hours but worked out only 3 X.  Need more consistency during the week.
  • Eat at least 5 servings of fruits/veggies every day
    Made it 4 out of 7 days
  • Track calories with my electronic calorie counter.
    Well put it in my purse and re-read the instructions

    Limit Diet Coke to weekends only and no more than 2 per day
  • Did well until my "weekend" started in on Thursday.....grrrrr
  • Pump plastic ( I need some new dumb bells!) 2 X per week
  • Lifted logs not plastic X 2 this week
  • Rest of goals are longer term
Need to refocus this week.  Did make sure I got in a short workout after work and before the family arrived to watch Monday Night Football.  Lots of Viking fans in this family!


    Friday, October 2, 2009

    Feel the Need to Hybernate

    Weather has suddenly turned cold and wet and dark the last few days. Rain for last 2 days. Ugh!  I've heard the phrase "some people carry their weather inside them"  I am definitely not one of them!  I get S.A.D. (Seasonal Affect Disorder) and really struggle when the daylight hours get shorter.  And when its cold and damp I just want to crawl into a cave and hypernate -curl up on the couch with a good book. 
    Along with moving less, I find I want to eat more - usually alot more. For the last few days I've been craving soup - which is much better than what I usually crave.

    And all that wood I was playin' with last weekend?  Tonight is the third time I've fired up the wood stove this week  Nothing like a cheery fire in the to chase away the chill. And the blues.

    But I haven't worked out since Tuesday.  Just feel like someone "pulled the plug" and drained all my energy.  I'm hoping I'll adjust to the cold over the next few days  - probably the best way is to get my butt off the couch.  Time to split wood not sit here and burn it!

    Need to Start Gettin' My ZZZZZZZZ's

    A couple of very very long days.  And I'm struggling to keep up with work, working out, posting, reading posts and commenting. 

    Getting enough sleep is an important part of good self care and can even affect insulin resistance and weight loss.  I'm such a night person I really struggle with getting to bed at a decent hour, and its been worse since I started the blog and got involved with the wonderful weight loss blogging community.  

    I'm going to do my best to post daily, read several blogs daily and comment when I can.  If you don't see comments from me as often as before, know I'm thinking about each and everyone of you.  Maybe when H1N1 [disease formerly known as swine flu :-)] slows down I'll have more time.  I can always hope

    Wednesday, September 30, 2009

    Pine Ups Anyone?

    Amazon Runner's comment on my last blog about working out by lifting and splitting logs was too good not to repeat:  "You may have invented a new fitness craze that will sweep the nation-- just think....... Birch presses, ashrobics, pine-ups........." Very Very clever!  Thought  for a minute she might have been channeling Jack Sh*t  

    (Actually I'm dealing with elm, oak, locust, mulberry and walnut, but too tired to come up with new wood-work out names. Any more ideas AR? Anyone else?)

    Every fall I usually spend 3-4 hours each weekend filling my logracks to get ready for winter. Yep, moving, splitting and stacking wood is a great workout.  And the reason we say when you burn wood for warmth it "heats you twice".
    Monday was my weigh-in day.  I weighed in, changed my weight loss ticker and  "countdown"   I'm not going to mention it in a post; I've decided that unless I hit a milestone I won't mention weekly losses (or gains)  I'll continue to change my "ticker" and change my "countdown" -- just not comment. Over the last few weeks I've learned that my weight from one week to another doesn't tell the whole story.  Whats much much more important is the process.  And dealing with my inner gremlins, self-sabotage and my issues surrounding food.

    Monday, September 28, 2009

    Please Pass the Advil.....and Meant to Be

    Great but busy weekend.  Increased my workout goals for the Hot 100 Challenge to 300 per week but I blew that away this weekend.  Seven hours (420 minutes) of lifting and carrying logs and branches.  Had 6 dead trees cut down during the week.  Tree guy doesn't charge much but doesn't do the clean up.  Fine with me 'cuz its a great workout and I have a woodstove. And a fireplace. And a bonfire pit.  Will have plenty of wood for the winter.....but still have most to cut up and it will all will need to be split.   I usually hand split wood, but the dead trees are elms.  They're a b*tch to split by hand - cross-grained according to my bros.

    So guess I'm pumpin' wood instead of plastic.  But, I'm thinking that thsoe 300 hours of exercise shouldn't be in 2 days !!!  I'm definitely needin' some advil!

    Meant to be???  So on Wedneday I run out of gas on my way to work. And this "angel" stops and gives me a lift.  Turns out she lives just a few miles from me.  Turns out she's roughly my age and lives alone. Turns out she loves to bike but has problems finding someone to bike with.  Turns out she has a fireplace, but has no wood, but does have access to a hydraulic wood splitter.  YIPPPEE!!!!!!

    Meant to be???  H*ll yes!!!   Think I'm going to run out of gas every week!   But will carry my own gas can.  Price for a one gallon gas can at the gas station: $10.99 plus tax.  Ouch!

    PS: I have plenty of walnut, oak and locust I'll still handsplit this winter.  Who needs a gym?

    Friday, September 25, 2009

    Hot 100 Challenge

    Check out South Beach Steve's Hot 100 Challenge.  He's extended the deadline to enter - before midnight Central Time Monday 9-28. Just need to create some goals; Post those goals.  Give an update at least every 10 days thru the end of the year.  Prize is random drawing for a jar of  smokin' hot pickled jalapenos!  Check out the cool logo - that alone is worse entering!

    My Hot 100 Goals
    1. Walk, exercise, work out at least 5 X a week 30-60 minutes. Total of at least 250 minutes per week
    2. Eat at least 5 servings of fruits/veggies every day
    3. Track calories with my electronic calorie counter.
    4. Limit Diet Coke to weekends only and no more than 2 per day
    5. Pump plastic ( I need some new dumb bells!) 2 X per week
    6. Complete one decluttering by the 19th of each month
    7.  Lose 17.75 lbs by December 1st (will put me under 200lbs) Have had this goal on my blog for a couple of weeks now.
    8. Maintain weight thru December (weigh no more on Jan 1 than I did on Dec 1

    Thursday, September 24, 2009

    One Month Down, 17 To Go

    Last night I realized that on Sunday I'd been blogging for one month.  WOW it really seems longer than that!  I just feel like I know so many of you so well it can't be only 4 weeks.  I think all of us who are fighting' the fat understand each other on so many levels. The support and inspiration I've found in the wt loss blogging community is AWESOME.  I appreciate y'all soooooo much.  Cyber Hugs to each and everyone one of you!

    Fat Daddy Rants post today about belts made me think of my own belt story.  Whenever I start to lose weight I start wearing belts again.  And start "tucking in" again.  A couple months ago the only 2 belts (one black, one brown) that fit broke.  Sooo off to Target 'cuz I didn't want to spend too much - I've got TMTC belts that haven't fit for years but I "know" will fit soon.  2XL is the largest size Target carries but they fit.  Barely.  Just barely.  What an eyeopener.   Well I'm happy to say that now they fit.  And I'm wearing them more often. And tucking my shirts in too.  And as for those TMTC too small belts - its time to lose the weight or lose the belts. One more thing to add to my Decluttering list.

    PS: Check out the giveaway on Fight Fat Phobia

    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    Divine Secrets of the Fat-Fat Sisterhood

    Women unite! Its time for us corpulent Goddesses to come together:

    1.To show TLOEFGM (The League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen) we will not tolerate the wicked b*tch Miss O'Gynnie

    2.To combat the evil TOM and his notorious side kick Aunt Flo

    3.To replace Miss O'Gynnie, TOM & FLO with "Ms. Moon Tyme"

    Now I've reached that stage in life when TOM and FLO don't come to visit anymore, but I'm still a part of the sisterhood and willing to share the Divine Secrets!

    If you want to join the "Fat Fat Sisterhood" and be mentioned in soon to come "Divine Secrets" sagas leave a comment with your complete blog site URL.

    Here's an advance preview:

    Downsizing Doc [speaking about TOM] "How can I possibly call someone who
    no longer exists? Give me that phone!"
    [Phone rings....]
    Coley-Ole "OMG! That's TOM! Do NOT pick up the phone! Please do not pick up the phone. Doc, don't pick up that phone!"
    Downsizing Doc [picks up the phone]  "Hello??????"
    To Be Continued.....

    Tuesday, September 22, 2009

    The scale is a fickle b*tch and not to be trusted.

    Thanks to all who made supportive (or threats of flogging!) comments in response to yesterday's post.

    Weighed in first thing this am (well actually yesterday since its now after midnight) and did NOT gain anything.  I couldn't believe it.

    So, like I said "The scale is a fickle B*tch and not to be trusted!"
    Certainly not one to let control my "moods or foods" (which usually go hand in hand) The 2 lb wt gain last week didn't start me on my downward spiral, but it sure didn't help. It most likely was mostly fluid shifts/water weight.

    When I look back over the last week I realized inspite of several things I did "wrong" I did make several good choices:
    1. As soon as I started feeling better physically, I started increasing my activity
    2. Most of my bad food choices were the salty chips and salsa variety. Easy on the cheese.
    3. Over the weekend ate too much - but the spaghetti was made with tofu noodles with a sauce was marinara with portobella mushrooms and black olives. And I made a pizza with the leftover sauce and a flat-out. Again, easy on the cheese.
    Today was a good lesson - over time I can use the scale to assess my progress and keep me honest, but during once a week weigh-ins the scale isn't telling the whole picture. Not even close.

    I'm in this for the long haul and its the process (increased activity and smarter food choices & portion sizes) that will get me where I want to go.  

    Monday, September 21, 2009

    I'm Back

    And I never should have left!

    I enjoy the muscle aches and fatigue after a good workout, but not before. Whatever hit me knocked me right out of my workout routine and right back into very bad (but familiar) food habits. I "lurked" for a few days and made a few comments but then stayed away. Its so much easier for me to support others than to admit I was struggling and needed support (or a great big kick in the backside) myself.

    I did weigh-in on Monday and gained 2 lbs. Not bad and I expected a gain at somepoint....just not this early. Tomorrow's the day to weigh-in again - I'm expecting a gain. Probably a huge one. But I'm back and I'll post the gain.

    We all know this is hard, but for the first several weeks things were going so well it seemed almost easy. I've been down this road too many times - I should have known the struggle (or worse) was just around the corner. I stayed away due to denial and feeling like a failure (again) - and that I had let down those following my blog. I think the REAL way I let everyone down was not posting about how I was struggling. In this wt-loss blogging community I've been inspired, challenged and supported - but this only truly works if I all share my entire journey - the struggles and setbacks as well as the victories.

    While my blog is about weight loss and the journey life-long, the real journey is about life.